6 Signs You Might Be Autosexual, aka Attracted To Yourself

You might face discrimination at work. If your employer discriminates against you and you’re in the United States, you can file a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

What Is Autosexual?

Autosexuality means people are more attracted to themselves than to others and may prefer masturbation to sex with a partner. It doesn’t mean that someone who is autosexual will never have sexual relationships with other people. It simply means people who are autosexual feel more sexually aroused by themselves rather than by others.

Autosexuality has not been widely studied. While some people identify as autosexual, every person has autosexual tendencies. Like other sexual orientations, autosexuality can exist on a continuum. Some may have sexual desire for themselves, enjoy self-stimulation, have sexual dreams about themselves, and fantasize about themselves to the exclusion of other relationships. Others may have these qualities but can also be romantically and sexually involved with one or more partners.

What Is the Difference Between Autosexuality, Autoromanticism, and Autoeroticism?

Sexual orientations include not only sexual feelings but romantic feelings as well. These do not always need to match. A person can identify as heterosexual while still being biromantic, or having romantic feelings for two genders. People may identify with more than one sexual or romantic orientation at different times.

Autoromantic vs. Autosexual

People who are autoromantic experience their personal relationship with themselves as being romantic, while people who are autosexual feel intense sexual attraction to themselves.

Autoromantic people consider their relationship with themselves as one where they both give and receive love. People who are autoromantic may be involved in other relationships but will also focus on treating themselves as well as they would another lover, such as buying romantic gifts for themselves.

Someone who is autosexual feels aroused by their own physical body and self. They may liken these feelings to being in love. While some people who identify as autosexual may have sexual relationships with a partner, others are completely satisfied with self-stimulation and find it gratifies them sexually and emotionally.

Autoeroticism vs. Autosexuality

Autoeroticism is the act of masturbation, stimulating yourself sexually. It differs from autosexuality in that it is an action rather than a sexual orientation. Autoeroticism is nearly universal and is a natural, healthy expression of sexuality.

There are dangerous, less common forms of the practice, such as hypoxyphilia and asphyxiophilia, which use hanging, choking, or other forms of breathing restriction to achieve sexual pleasure. This is often referred to as erotic asphyxiation and is unsafe as it may lead to serious injury or death.

Myths and Misconceptions About Autosexuality

Autosexuality can be confusing to outsiders, especially because it isn’t well-researched yet. Some do not consider it a credible sexual orientation and may mock it as narcissism, something unnatural, or even a mental illness. However, sexuality is nuanced, and everyone should be able to explore their own desires in the way that feels right to them.

Sometimes it is assumed that autosexual people never have relationships with others, but this is not true. Some people who are autosexual may desire closeness with others. They may identify with one or more other sexual orientations and simply prefer self-stimulation much of the time.

There are some people who identify as autosexual after one or more failed relationships. They may see a relationship with themselves as the answer to love. Others say that their relationship with themselves is real and that they are genuinely in love with themselves as they would be with someone else.

Each individual has different experiences and desires, so what autosexuality means for one person may not be the same as someone else’s understanding.

Show Sources

APA Style: “Sexual Orientation.”

Contemporary OB/GYN: Measuring the cycles of female sexuality.”

Quailbellmagazine.com: “Literal Self-Love: Autoromanticism, Autosexuality, & Dating Yourself.”

Mookychick.co.uk: “6 Common Misconceptions About Autosexuality and Autoromanticism.”

6 Signs You Might Be Autosexual, aka Attracted To Yourself

Kesiena Boom, M.S., is a sociologist and writer. She has a bachelor’s degree in Sociology from the University of Manchester and a master’s degree in Gender Studies from Lund University.

April 14, 2021

The term autosexual might not be as commonplace as some of the other words we use to describe our sexualities, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth understanding. Kourtney Kardashian launched the term into the wider cultural language when her lifestyle website Poosh published a short primer on the subject. Read on to get a deeper insight into what autosexuality actually is and whether it might be applicable to you.

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What does autosexual really mean?

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In short, an autosexual person is someone who is sexually attracted to themselves, either much more than they’re attracted to other people or to the exclusion of other people. Autosexuality is therefore a term that encompasses a spectrum of desire. To be autosexual is to derive a great amount of pleasure from your own self and body to an extent that might not be accessible to a non-autosexual person. Even people who don’t identify as autosexual might exhibit some autosexual behaviors.

“Autosexuality is a natural and healthy expression and aspect of erotic desire,” says Jamie Gayle, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and executive director of Intraspectrum Counseling. “It should not be confused with autoromanticism, although they may both be ways people identify simultaneously. Autoromanticism, in contrast, refers to the notion of a person being romantically drawn to oneself (regardless of sexual attraction).”

Another misconception is that if someone is autosexual, it means that they’re incapable of loving and desiring other people. However, this isn’t true—plenty of autosexual people have romantic and sexual relationships with other people. It just means that their most intense attraction is reserved for themselves.

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Signs that you could be autosexual:

You prefer masturbation to sex.

While you might not say no to sex with another person, you know that your strongest orgasms and deepest satisfaction come from solo sessions. “If you find yourself drawn to masturbation and the arousal to your own body is much more intense than the stimulation that comes from partnered activities, you might be autosexual,” says Lori Lawrenz, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist specializing in sexuality.

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You use fantasies about yourself when having sex in order to orgasm.

When you invite another person or people into bed with you, you’re not able to get intensely turned on or reach orgasm without seeing yourself in your mind’s eye.

You fantasize about yourself when you’re masturbating instead of watching porn.

The starring role in your masturbatory fantasies is always given to yourself. You might focus on thoughts of your body, your scent, or your mind. Gayle says a person who is “sexually attracted to themselves in sexual fantasies or only aroused in such fantasies” might want to consider that they could be autosexual.

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You prioritize masturbation and quality time with yourself over the pursuit of dates.

Even when presented with the opportunity to go out with someone else, you find yourself more enticed by the idea of a night in with yourself in the bath or wrapped up in your sheets.

You have erotic dreams about yourself.

“In college I had a wet dream about myself, which made it clear that I was/am sexually attracted to myself,” shares Ghia Vitale, an autosexual writer and editor. While we often show up in our own sex dreams, it’s most common that at least one other person is present. If you have persistent erotic dreams that feature only yourself, this could be an indicator that you’re autosexual.

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You love having sex in front of a mirror.

“During partnered sexual contact, if you have a mirror close by, and your gaze focuses on your own body, and these images evoke arousal (as opposed to the naked body of your partner), then consider autosexual orientation as a possibility,” says Lawrenz.

How autosexuality differs from narcissism.

While it may be common for people to assume that narcissism and autosexuality are inherently intertwined, this judgment is not only wrong but hurtful and offensive to autosexual people.

Narcissists have an inflated sense of their own importance and a desperate need for excessive attention, admiration, and validation, Gayle explains. “Beneath the façade of extreme confidence lies an extraordinarily fragile sense of worth that’s easily punctured by the slightest criticism,” she says. “Narcissism is a personality characteristic and a way of interacting with one’s world that is very much about self-promotion, maintaining a certain prized image of themselves and outwardly to others, maintaining control and power, and which is the manifestation of internal fragility.”

Autosexuality is very different from narcissism. “Autosexuality, in great contrast, is a sexual orientation or is an umbrella term that describes various sexual behaviors and beliefs that are directed toward oneself with no reference to one’s self-esteem, their empathy for others, or their need for others’ validation,” Gayle explains.

“The hardest part about being autosexual is navigating everyone else’s opinions and misconceptions about autosexuality,” Vitale adds. “Many people still routinely bring up narcissism when I discuss autosexuality or my autosexual experiences, even when they’re not trying to be antagonistic or mean. The widespread tendency to associate autosexuality with narcissism just shows how much our society discourages people from truly appreciating and loving ourselves. It’s perfectly OK to be attracted to yourself, admire yourself, and revel in the love you have for yourself, no matter what kind of love that is.”

What to do if your partner is autosexual:

Don’t take it personally.

“If your partner is autosexual, it is important to realize this is not about you,” Lawrenz explains. “Your partner will look at themselves, as opposed to you, to find stimulation. This will often feel unusual as it is more normative during partnered sexual contact to focus on others as opposed to the self. They can be stimulated by you, but they also need their own dose of stimulation involving themselves—it is core to their sexuality.”

Be supportive.

“Support and encourage your partner to explore their autosexuality,” Vitale says. “I can honestly say that receiving encouragement from partners made me feel more open to experiencing my full love for myself, and engaging with my autosexuality has improved how I engage with others in both platonic and sexual/romantic relationships.”

Respect their identity.

Autosexuality can be thought of as a sexual orientation much like being gay, bisexual, pansexual, or any other such identity, Lawrenz says. While there may not be structural oppression of autosexual people in the same way that there is for other LGBTQ people, there is a stigma surrounding autosexuality in that it’s often “not seen as a viable means of sexual identification.” So make sure to respect your partner’s identity. Don’t question your partner’s sexuality or compare it to narcissism, for example.

Go in with an open, nonjudgmental mind.

“Simply because your partner identifies as autosexual does not mean they will be a bad lover or not interested in learning about what pleases you,” says Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, an AASECT-certified sex therapist. Don’t let your partner’s autosexuality tower in your mind as an obstacle. Instead, see it as a vital part of a person whom you love and want to understand.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

“I’d recommend talking to your partner and listening without judgment to get a better understanding of what their autosexuality is like,” Vitale says. The only way you can create a mutually satisfying relationship is to be very clear with one another about what you like and how you like it. Use your partner’s autosexuality “as an opportunity to learn more about each other’s sexuality and communicate about your sexual needs,” Brito says.

The bottom line.

“Perhaps the most important thing to know about the concept of autosexuality or the autosexual identity is that neither is abnormal or pathological,” Gayle says. “Remember, whether in behaviors or as a sexual orientation, autosexual identities are natural variations of human sexuality that deserve respect and understanding.”

There are so many ways we as humans categorize and understand our sexualities. We should constantly be on the lookout for new ways to strengthen our familiarity with our bodies, ourselves, and our partners.

What Does It Mean to Be Autosexual?

An autosexual person feels sexual attraction primarily toward themselves. Someone who is autosexual experiences little to no sexual attraction toward other people. Many people feel that it falls under the asexual umbrella, also called the asexual spectrum or ace spec.

The term “autosexual” describes people who are more sexually attracted to themselves than they are to other people. Although this is a relatively uncommon term, many people do identify as autosexual.

An autosexual person feels sexual attraction primarily toward themselves. Someone who is autosexual might feel little to no sexual attraction toward other people.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that autosexual people never feel sexually attracted to others or that they don’t have sex with others. Although some autosexual people don’t want to have sex with other people, some do.

Being autosexual isn’t the same as being asexual.

However, many people feel that it falls under the asexual umbrella, also called the asexual spectrum or ace-spec. For this reason, autosexuality is sometimes called an ace-spec identity.

Someone who is asexual experiences little to no sexual attraction. It’s possible to identify as autosexual and asexual at the same time.

There’s a difference between being autosexual and autoromantic. While “autosexual” refers to feeling primarily sexually attracted to yourself, “autoromantic” refers to feeling primarily romantically attracted to yourself.

You can be both autoromantic and autosexual, but not everybody who’s autosexual is autoromantic and vice versa.

It’s possible to be, for example:

• autosexual and homoromantic (romantically attracted to people of the same or a similar gender as you)
• autosexual and biromantic (romantically attracted to people of multiple genders)
• autosexual and aromantic (experiencing little to no romantic attraction)

These are examples of cross-orientation, also known as mixed orientation.

There’s no test that could determine whether you’re autosexual or not. If you feel that the term “autosexual” describes you, you can use that term.

Orientation isn’t about ticking off boxes to figure out where you fit in. It’s about using a term to describe your attraction and identity.

If the word “autosexual” describes your orientation, you’re welcome to identify as autosexual. The way you describe your identity is up to you!

If you’re interested in exploring whether you’re autosexual or not, the following prompts might help you think about your identity and orientation:

• Do you feel sexually attracted to other people? Do you think you experience sexual attraction less often than other people?
• Do you feel turned on by the thought of having sex with others? Do you feel turned on by the thought of masturbation?
• Do you have sexual fantasies? If so, what or who do they involve?
• Does the word “autosexual” feel comfortable and accurate to you?
• Do you use other words to describe your orientation? (It’s OK to use multiple words to describe your orientation!)

Remember that there’s no right or wrong answer. These questions are simply prompts.

Autosexuality can look different for different people. To use just a few examples:

• Some autosexual people strongly prefer masturbation over sex with others.
• Some autosexual people feel sexually attracted to others but very rarely. They do, however, feel sexual attraction toward themselves.
• Some autosexual people feel sexually attracted to others but not intensely. They do, however, feel sexual attraction toward themselves.
• Some autosexual people feel turned on by sexual fantasies about themselves but not others.
• Some autosexual people do enjoy sex with others, but don’t feel particularly sexually attracted to others. For example, sex might be a way to show affection and love, not a way to fulfill a desire for someone.

It’s important to remember that dating, sex, and relationships can vary from one autosexual person to the next. Some date and some don’t. Some have sex with others and some don’t.

No! Your orientation is what it is — it’s not a medical condition or a problem that needs to be solved. There’s no known cause for an orientation.

Regardless of orientation and anatomy, anyone can contract and transmit sexually transmitted infections (STIs) if they’re having sex with others. And, of course, pregnancy is still possible in some situations.

If you do have sex with other people, it’s wise to discuss contraception and safe sexual practices with them. This could include:

• using condoms and dental dams
• discussing your current sexual partners
• disclosing whether you have any STIs
• finding a birth control method that works for you

When it comes to safe sexual experiences, communication is key.

You shouldn’t feel pressured to “come out.” If you want to tell others that you’re autosexual, that’s great! But if you don’t want to, that’s perfectly fine, too.

Whenever somebody comes out, there’s a possibility that they will receive a negative reaction.

Words like “autosexual” aren’t commonly used or understood, even within the LGBTQIA+ community. Some people might be confused about the definition. In this case, you can direct them to this page or another page about autosexuality.

If you come out, there’s a possibility that some people will tell you there’s no need to label yourself as autosexual. Remember that you’re allowed to describe your identity however you want.

Yes, nowadays we have more terms for sexual orientations — but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Those feelings are not necessarily new; we just have more language to describe it.

Unfortunately, you might face discrimination or abuse if you come out. In some situations, it might not be safe to tell people about your orientation. It’s up to you to assess your situation and decide whether you feel comfortable and safe enough to share it.

One possibility is to come out to a select few individuals you trust. This means you can get some support and encouragement without risking your safety. If you decide to go this route, be sure to tell them if you don’t want them to share it with others.

You can come out in a few different ways!

You could tell one loved one — someone who you think will be accepting and supportive — and ask them to support you while you come out to more people.

Not sure how to say it? Here are some phrases to start with:

• “I’ve recently realized I’m autosexual. Here’s what that means.”
• “I recently learned the term ‘autosexual,’ which refers to people who are primarily sexually attracted to themselves. I’ve figured out that it’s an apt description for me.”
• “Since you’re important to me, I wanted to share that I’m autosexual. Here’s what autosexual means.”

Because few people know what the term “autosexual” means, anyone you choose to share with might have questions. Be prepared to give them a definition or tell them where they can learn more about autosexuality.

If your home becomes an unsafe place to stay or the people you live with become abusive or threatening, it might be best to look for a local LGBTQIA+ shelter or arrange to stay with a supportive friend for a while.

If you’re suicidal, in crisis, or need someone to vent to, you might benefit from contacting The Trevor Project at 866-488-7386. The Trevor Project provides help and support for young LGBTQIA+ people in the United States.

You might face discrimination at work. If your employer discriminates against you and you’re in the United States, you can file a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

If you’ve come out to people and it hasn’t gone well, you might benefit from talking with a supportive friend or joining a support group for LGBTQIA+ people. This could be a local meetup group or an online forum.

Remember that you’re well within your rights to identify however you’d like. It isn’t your fault if others are intolerant of your orientation — that’s on them.

There are many places where you can find resources and support. For example:

• GLBT Near Me is a database of LGBTQIA+ resources that offers a national hotline and a youth talkline.
• The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides free, confidential support to those in the United States who feel suicidal or are facing emotional distress. Call them at 800-273-8255.
• GLAAD has a number of resources and articles on their site.
• Healthline has created a list of terms that describe sexual and romantic orientations, as well as gender identity.
• Inclusive online forums and groups, such as on Reddit or Facebook, might be a good source of support and information.

Autosexual people are mainly sexually attracted to themselves. They typically experience little to no sexual attraction to other people.

Whether or not you identify as autosexual is up to you. If you feel like it’s an accurate and comfortable term to describe your orientation, you’re welcome to call yourself autosexual.

Sian Ferguson is a freelance health and cannabis writer based in Cape Town, South Africa. She’s passionate about empowering readers to take care of their mental and physical health through science-based, empathetically delivered information.

Last medically reviewed on October 20, 2021